Watch "The Unknown Discovery"
Febuary 21
February. Valentines, snow and anticipation of spring around the corner. But for me February is always a weird month. I can't put my finger on the exact reactions I have during this month but without fail they hit me. This is always a difficult month to get through. February 21, 1996. The day my fist wife, Jill, passed away from cancer at the age of 30, 3 years after losing our first child to pre-term labor and 6 months after giving birth to our second.
Many know the story and I don't have to dredge up the details since the preceeding sentence sums up everything anyone needs or wants to know. Also, you can view my life at that time in our first movie "Closure," which is in the process of re-editing and a re-release in the near future. The "new" trailer will be on-line by the time this is posted. Rational thought makes me feel like those days were a lifetime ago. A blur, an out of body experience almost. I look back on it and it doesn't seem like I experienced it so much as I watched someone else go through that hell. So when the 21st of February rolls around each year subconsciously I think a switch is flipped in my brain and everything just feels...off. Rational thought tells me one thing, but reality shows me something else.
This day is now our production company's anniversary and is meant to replace all the negatives that it used to represent. We turned Twenty One into a positive, hence the name of our company. David and I share the same emotions of what the 21st started out as. He has his story, I have mine, but suffice it to say we both mourn someone close to us on that day, my wife and his mother. But we also celebrate their lives and our careers which were also born on that date.
Destiny...fate? I don't know. Maybe...probably. We've had some strange coincidences in the last 5 years and they have been just as unexplainable on why David and I met to begin with. When the realization that both his mother and my wife died on the exact same day, 3 years apart. We both had the same dreams of being filmmakers and telling our stories. I had been dabbling in filmmaking prior to meeting David and I really was just dabbling. My filmmaking career did not really begin until we started "Closure."
That film, shot 5 years ago, was my life. The dialogue are things I said, the things Jill said, or wrote down as it were. Unlike the character in the movie Jill could not speak because of the surgery she had to remove the cancer. It's still hard to watch today. Not only because it is deeply personal, and not to make light of a dark situation but also because the production values are so poor. That was our first movie. My first attempt at directing, camera operating, DPing, everything. David's as well. But we made it. And even with all the technical issues, the movie is powerful. The acting of the leads, Susi Gilliland and Patrick Drury, was fantastic! So for all it's flaws, there was still so much good about it and that came from it. That movie started us off down the road to where we are today and where we continue to travel.
February 21. A day of sadness, a day of joy. Time heals wounds but doesn't erase them. The sadness lessens and the joy grows with each passing year. Jill and Kay, David's mother, are remembered with every movie we complete. Their impact on us and others will last many lifetimes. It's just still so hard to believe that we came this far and are still going strong now.
The big question. "Where do you see yourself in five years." Honestly I can't answer that question. Had you asked me five years ago I would have never guessed where I am now. So, the next five is anyone's guess. I know what I hope, what I believe and wish I'll be in 2011, but you can never be certain. I can look ahead but I can't and wouldn't want to predict the future.
Today, I am happy. I'm healthy. I have a loving and supportive wife. I have two great kids and I'm living a life that I thought I had lost forever on February 21, 1996.
In many ways what was a decade ago, really was a lifetime ago.
Many know the story and I don't have to dredge up the details since the preceeding sentence sums up everything anyone needs or wants to know. Also, you can view my life at that time in our first movie "Closure," which is in the process of re-editing and a re-release in the near future. The "new" trailer will be on-line by the time this is posted. Rational thought makes me feel like those days were a lifetime ago. A blur, an out of body experience almost. I look back on it and it doesn't seem like I experienced it so much as I watched someone else go through that hell. So when the 21st of February rolls around each year subconsciously I think a switch is flipped in my brain and everything just feels...off. Rational thought tells me one thing, but reality shows me something else.
This day is now our production company's anniversary and is meant to replace all the negatives that it used to represent. We turned Twenty One into a positive, hence the name of our company. David and I share the same emotions of what the 21st started out as. He has his story, I have mine, but suffice it to say we both mourn someone close to us on that day, my wife and his mother. But we also celebrate their lives and our careers which were also born on that date.
Destiny...fate? I don't know. Maybe...probably. We've had some strange coincidences in the last 5 years and they have been just as unexplainable on why David and I met to begin with. When the realization that both his mother and my wife died on the exact same day, 3 years apart. We both had the same dreams of being filmmakers and telling our stories. I had been dabbling in filmmaking prior to meeting David and I really was just dabbling. My filmmaking career did not really begin until we started "Closure."
That film, shot 5 years ago, was my life. The dialogue are things I said, the things Jill said, or wrote down as it were. Unlike the character in the movie Jill could not speak because of the surgery she had to remove the cancer. It's still hard to watch today. Not only because it is deeply personal, and not to make light of a dark situation but also because the production values are so poor. That was our first movie. My first attempt at directing, camera operating, DPing, everything. David's as well. But we made it. And even with all the technical issues, the movie is powerful. The acting of the leads, Susi Gilliland and Patrick Drury, was fantastic! So for all it's flaws, there was still so much good about it and that came from it. That movie started us off down the road to where we are today and where we continue to travel.
February 21. A day of sadness, a day of joy. Time heals wounds but doesn't erase them. The sadness lessens and the joy grows with each passing year. Jill and Kay, David's mother, are remembered with every movie we complete. Their impact on us and others will last many lifetimes. It's just still so hard to believe that we came this far and are still going strong now.
The big question. "Where do you see yourself in five years." Honestly I can't answer that question. Had you asked me five years ago I would have never guessed where I am now. So, the next five is anyone's guess. I know what I hope, what I believe and wish I'll be in 2011, but you can never be certain. I can look ahead but I can't and wouldn't want to predict the future.
Today, I am happy. I'm healthy. I have a loving and supportive wife. I have two great kids and I'm living a life that I thought I had lost forever on February 21, 1996.
In many ways what was a decade ago, really was a lifetime ago.
My New Mantra
I saw this in Issue #61(Winter 2006) of MovieMaker magazine from Wim Wenders, best known to me as, the director of the Buena Vista Social Club. In a list of his "Golden Rules" I found one that struck a chord with me. Out of 50, #31 is my favorite.
Wim Wenders Golden Rules #31:
The more you know about moviemaking, the tougher it gets to leave that knowledge behind. As soon as you do things "because you know how to do them," your fucked.
Wait...let it sink in...wait for it!
Wim Wenders Golden Rules #31:
The more you know about moviemaking, the tougher it gets to leave that knowledge behind. As soon as you do things "because you know how to do them," your fucked.
Wait...let it sink in...wait for it!
